Saturday, 17 July 2010

Am I a fucking insomniac? Rant.

I can't sleep. This happens all the time. Like in bursts. I'll go a week or two with a decent sleeping pattern (early nights, early mornings, more energy etc) and then it will go in the complete opposite direction for about another 2 to 3 weeks. I'll wake up refreshed after and early night but i'll be awake until 6/7/8am then eventually konk out. Then the next day, i can't for the life of me get out of bed. I want to , but i really can't. I have nooo energy, even if I sleep more than I would during a 'good' week. If i'm having a good sleep, I'll be out by 11pm latest and up between 7 and 8am. If i'm having a bad nights sleep, i'll be out between 6 to 8 am and roll out of bed around 3-4. I'm always waking up during that time aswell. On the hour, i'll be awake for about 10 minutes trying to convince myself to get up and out of bed but I can't do it. This sounds so bad. I hate it.

there's no use telling me to get into a healthy sleeping pattern, I always go back to it and it never stays for long. Is there anything else that works? hot drinks, books etc don't work. Foods don't affect my sleep. I can drink coffee, orange juice, red bull..u name it, i'll drink it..if i'm tired i'll still sleep regardless of what i've consumed. Books irritate me if i can't sleep as i'm so restless already, I can't concentrate on reading.

I'm so so so so bored of this shit now. I want to sleep so bad but it's not happening. I have things to do today, I have to visit family, rearrange my bedroom, clean, cook etc and it's such a pain in the arse when i've only had 4/5 hours sleep.

Yesterday I couldn't sleep all night, then dozed off at 9am this morning, woke up at 3pm, did some washing up, had a drink, went back to sleep with backache and belly cramps until 7pm, hubby brought me my e.l.f package, I got excited, tooks pics, cooked, watched tv with hubby for the rest of the night. He fell asleep around 2:30..i'm still fucking HERE!!

AAARRRGGHHH!!! It makes me feel like a baaaad bad wife. I hate it when my husband wakes up before me. He's not a breakfast person to begin with but still...I prefer it when he wakes up to a smile and a smooch...not snoring and the oh so seductive image of me drooling into my pillow.

This has to stop. I refuse to visit my GP and be told I have a sleeping disorder and be put on drugs... I have my own opinions on prescription drugs and any form of medication that's man made. I always try to avoid it as much as possible, so I'm thinking I should look into some serious natural remedies. 3 years of shit sleep has done my nut in and not ony affected my energy levels but also my self esteem.

2 comments:

MINAKICHU said...

I exactly know how it feels like! Insomnia sucks! Great post by the way:-)

Arabian eyes said...

i feel your pain baby n it really does SUCK! but im glad i dnt have a husband to wake up to me looking like a monster lol